But then, an idea or event pops up and that sudden urge to write about it rushes back. Blogging has sort of been therapeutic for me; it serves as an outlet to express my ideas, feelings and just let my mind speak itself through writing. It’s my own little escape from the things that inspire and stress me – like the one that had gotten me anxious the last couple of months.
Months leading to my birthday this year, I experienced the first tremors of the quarter-life crisis. I didn't know that it even existed but then, there was that overwhelming sensation(?). Grassy felt it too and, apparently, so does a lot of twenty-something hapless individuals. They say it hits at 25 but I recognized the first signs as I came close to my 27th birthday. My 23rd -26th had been emotionally uneventful - no nervous breakdown, no emotional distraction, and no confusion what-so-ever. Well, it came with 27. I don't know what it was about 27 that felt serious but there was definitely something as though I was crossing the boundary from wild, carefree, happy-go-lucky yuppie to adult, serious mode. And all of that quarter-life realizations hit me. What am I doing with my life? Am I happy? Do I spend too much time at work? Do I simply spend too much? Why has everyone gotten married and I’m still effin’ single?! (just pushing it with that last one). But really, I hit the bump and found myself wondering: what the hell have I done with my life?
I played down with going along with the crowd and started realizing that there are a lot of things about myself that I didn't know and may or may not like. I started feeling insecure and wondered where I will be three to ten years from now, but then got terrified because I barely know where I am NOW. I looked at how I’m living my life and understood that it was not even close to what I thought I would be doing or maybe I was just scared at the thought. I started to miss the comforts of college/high school, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. Simply put, I felt like I was in a rut.
But just when I thought the world was working against me when I appreciated the significance of this so-called ‘crisis’ and realized that this was just a phase. Now, I’ve begun to understand myself more and what I want and do not want. I think my opinions have gotten stronger and I’m able to express myself more. I see what others are doing and find myself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly I realize that I have certain boundaries and priorities in my life right now and add things to that list of what is acceptable and what is not. Flings and hook-ups begin to feel juvenile, and getting wasted and acting like an idiot start to look so 20’s. Crap, I feel old! I may deviate myself once in a while (well, there’s no harm getting drunk or doing something crazy on odd occasions) but now, there are responsibilities and there’s that focus. There are still times though that I’d feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and I try and cling on to the past life, but soon I realize that the past is actually drifting away and I’m left with two choices: do nothing and stay where I am or react and move forward. I choose to move forward and be realistically optimistic.
I still go through the same emotions and questions over and over but I talk it with friends and realize that I’m actually not alone in this. I’ve started to worry about money and the future and making a life for myself and my family. I’m playing the field and working toward achieving my dreams and goals. I really feel that this is a bit daunting (especially with a forthcoming endeavor I'll be going into) but as long as I’m moving forward, I feel like I’m on my way.
Silent Adventurer out!
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